EXAMS....

I hate them and want them out of my life!!!! Like, RIGHT NOW!!!!!

Sorry for being over-dramatic, people, but it is just so depressing. I have to study day and night for this stupid UQ papers, which, in their compassion, but my exam dates as 9,10,11, and 12. So now I have one paper on the 9th, one on the 10th, one on the 11th and one on the 12th. Oh joy...

I wish no such thing as exams were invented..But then again, without pressure, there would be no developement. We would be still stuck in caves and making fire out of rocks...And wearing leaves of fur.



I gtg back to study...This post is like a random post to procrastinate. Baaahhhh

Blow-up Doll

Ryan, I am gonna get you for doing that to me...

Last night, Lauren, Lara, Skasian and I were in Ryan's room, and he was showing us Cytherea and her world record. The guys were just whopping, and the girls were trying (hard) to figure out what the guys found were so interesting.

Lauren did not believe that a girl could actually do what Cytherea did, so we were all debating about it and good old wikipedia and google joined in the debate challenge. I shall not attempt to describe what they were debating about.

The subject led to Ryan's 18th birthday present, which was a blow up doll. Skasian, Amanda, Jacq, Kev and a few other people bought it for him, cause you could see their signature on the doll.

It was THE most evil thing I had ever seen. It was freaky!!! I do not even want to take a picture of it cause I could feel its hands like coming to grab me.

And my compassionate Skasian, being the loving tender guy that he is, joined in the fun when Lauren threw the doll right on top of me. I think I scrambled off the bed so fast that no one knew I was already gone. Frankly speaking, I think I woke the whole Edmonds up by the horrified screaming.

In the morning, I got out of the room to see the doll hanging right in front of the door...I swear....I am GONNA KILL YOU, RYAN!!!!

Weird, scary dreams...

Last night, I remember I had 2 dreams, the first one slightly more disturbing than the other one.

The first one was, there was a small sized girl park her motorcycle outside my house in Seremban. She had an short hair, like an afro, and she looked a bit African I think. And then, she just came towards my mom and the door of my open house. Somehow, all of us (me, my brother and mom) knew that she was being possessed by demons or a demon. And then we ran into the house and shut the door, and locked it. But I remember, I had to go for tuition at that time, so we were trying hard to get out of the house, but we could not get out because she was just waiting there for a victim to attack.

And then, we tried to get out by the side of the house, cause the side garage was separated from the front porch and the car was there. To our horror, my mom went out and saw her staring at us from the roof. She was lying on the roof and peering at us upside down, kinda you know how spiders dangle from the ceiling.

So we had no choice but to run inside the house again and bolt every single door, lock everything so that she would not come in. And I remember calling 000 saying, "Please get rid of this girl, she is possessed and is scaring us to fits, and bring like 7 to 8 guys just to be safe cause she could be very strong and violent." Cause someone got possessed in INTI and it took 6 guys to hold her down and she was still strong. And suddenly, the demon left her, and she just walked out normally to the motorcycle and talked normally, and then she rode off....I wasn't even sure what had happened. That happened when the cops arrived. I think they were more relieved than anything.

Anyway, the 2nd dream was, I was supposed to go and play badminton in a tournament, and then I was busy bandaging up my injured finger. I played a few trial runs with some people, but it wasn't the actual tournament yet. And then, I went back to the road to get something (water, I think) and then I saw Alex Carrette there. Which was weird enough. Suddenly, he took like a really sharp pair of scissors and ran towards me and pinned me to the ground. And he said I owed him something, or I offended him, or something I did wrong towards him, and he was going to kill me...

This was getting weird enough, and then suddenly he dropped the scissors and then he fell and apologized. But I was genuinely scared and trying to brace myself for the stab he was going to make. Why are my dreams full of possessed people...

I'm learning to breathe...

I'm learning to crawl yet again. I'm finding that You and You ALONE can break my fall.

For the first time in weeks, I came to my senses and realized that I was living a totally new life and something I was not used to, and I still felt really numb living it although I have lived it for quite some time since the mid sem break.

I know something feels like its not right--and that's because I had been drifting away further and further from God, and I forgot to keep a relationship with Him. Now, the things that never used to scare me, now get to me.

God, please give me another chance to try and pull back this relationship together. And give me the grace to succeed.

Living for Today and only for Now

"Quit, don't quit; Noodle, don't noodle...You are too concerned with what was, and what will be.

There is a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift.

That is why it is called the present."


I have never done this before in my entire life. I was always the planner, always worrying about
things that was to come, so much so I forget things of the moment.

And I realize that was what made me so different from other people. I always wondered why I always walk faster than normal people (sure I take smaller steps, but on the way to class with my girlfriends, I usually end up walking a lot faster than all of them without realizing it) and also, I found out why I always can't remember things.

That's because I have never lived for the moment. The only times I actually am present in the present, is when I am on stage. That is probably why when I sing or dance in front of everyone else, everything changes.

Now I am going to try to live for now, and not for later. I wanna know what it is like and how it would feel.

It feels totally strange and new and I am still trying to get accustomed to it (can't blame me, been living for the future and the past for like 19 years of my life) and now I am going to change.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuS1cCnG8xc




One of the BEST Les Miserables songs EVER!!! Lea Salonga is the singer...But still, if you want the ultimate, look up Ruthie Henshall with I Dreamed a Dream in the same 10th anniversary performance. Ruthie is UNMATCHED.


And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.
Without a home, without a friend
without a face to say hello to
But now the night is near
And I can make-believe he's here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me

In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him...
But only on my own...

Get a grip, girl!!

These few days, I feel like my whole system is running haywire. There are times when I even doubt myself, think about my decisions and suddenly feel that the things that are supposed to be right are not, and the things that are wrong suddenly seems so right.

I wonder what has happened to me suddenly...

Anyway, I am praying hard to God that He will give me the wisdom and the strength to do the right things, and also have the perseverance to be able to do it. I give up so easily. I know what are the right things to do, but I somehow do not have the will to do it.

I feel so emo these few days, and I keep bothering Nick and Zak about it. Poor guys..But then again, they are probably the only people who can understand what I am going through, maybe aside from Dream.

I really really hope that my life can get back to normal without all these bothersome thoughts coming every single second of my life. It gets sickening sometimes.